Super Meals: Part Forty-Two

            The time clicked over and Doctor Ralph nearly leapt from his chair. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but he was thrilled to hear the front door upstairs open, and the subsequent two sets of footsteps coming down the stairs and down the hall.

            Jane tried to turn in her chair to watch the door, but as she swiveled she heard the crunch of glass and froze again immediately. Doctor Ralph threw her a stern look and held up an admonishing finger.

            She made eye contact with him, and his wagging finger became a shushing sign as he pressed it to his lips.

            The footsteps got closer, then stopped. Doctor Ralph wanted to speak up and say “In here,” but before he did, Mimi’s voice called out, saying, “It’s me. I’ve got your guy here.”

            Walter’s voice was next, saying, “Yeah, me too. I mean I’m here.”

The door opened.

            Walter walked in with Mimi immediately behind.

            Doctor Ralph flinched.

            Mimi noticed it, and smiled.

            The reason he had flinched was because Mimi had a gun to Walter’s head.

            Her left hand was on the small of his back, leading him forward (and reassuring herself with the gun she had tucked into his waistband), but her right hand had a 9mm nuzzled into the base of his skull.

            “What’s this?” asked Doctor Ralph.

            “This is what you asked for,” said Mimi. “Mister Walter Elliot, your mystery patient.”

            Doctor Ralph smiled and opened his arms as if he were going to hug Walter. “Mister Elliot,” he said. “I cannot tell you how incredible it is to meet you, finally.” He lowered his arms and backed away from Mimi and Walter, but continued, saying, “You don’t know it, but I have been searching for you for a very, very long time.”

            “Who the fuck even are you?” asked Walter.

            Doctor Ralph picked up the shotgun from the table and Walter felt Mimi’s hand clench on his shoulder. “No, Mister Elliot, I’m afraid this isn’t going to go that way.”

            “What way?”

            “I’m not going to delve into some deep, long-winded monologue about who I am and what my motivations are. As much as I do love theatrics, I’m a man of science, and I know that time is not on my side. So now, instead of having a conversation, Detective Spatchcock will let go of you and you will join me on this side of the room or I will shoot Doctor Jane in the chest with this shotgun.”

            He racked the pump-action and the ch-chak! sound echoed off the walls.

            Walter, in his panic, thought it was the loudest thing he’d ever heard.

            Mimi’s grip tightened again, but then released. “Go on,” she said. “You heard him.”

            Walter began to walk forward. He held his hands up like he was being robbed, and, indeed, Mimi kept her 9mm pointed at the back of his head, but halfway across the floor, Doctor Ralph held up a hand and said, “That’s far enough, thank you.”

            Walter jerked to a stop and asked, “What?”

            “Just there, if you please. Before you go any further, I’m going to need Detective Spatchcock to unload her weapon and place it on the ground.”

            Now it was Mimi’s turn to ask “What?”

            Doctor Ralph stepped closer to Jane’s chair and leveled the shotgun at her chest. “Detective Spatchcock. Withdraw the magazine from your weapon, rack the slide once to remove the round from the pipe, then place it on the ground in front of you and kick it over here with your foot.”

            Shit, thought Mimi. He’s good.

            But while she thought it, she obeyed. The magazine slid into her hand and she racked the round out of the pipe, not bothering to watch where it landed and rolled, then she put the gun on the ground and slid it towards him. “What do you want me to do with this?” she asked with mock sincerity as she held up the magazine.

            “Oh, I would like you to throw that into the corner to your left, if you don’t mind.”

            He’s really good, thought Mimi, understanding that this put the components of the gun incredibly far apart. The only way he could have rendered it more useless would have been to have her simply dismantle it.

            Doctor Ralph lowered the shotgun so it pointed at the floor and said, “Please continue, Mister Elliot.” As he spoke he backed away from Jane, towards another corner of the room where his AR-7 lay on a table.

            Walter walked forward, veering to his left to track Doctor Ralph’s movement and placing himself between him and Jane, who remained motionless in her chair this whole time. When Walter was near enough, Doctor Ralph trained the shotgun on him and said, “That’s far enough, Mister Elliot.” Walter stopped, and Doctor Ralph said, “Please turn around.”

            Mimi’s eyes flickered to Walter’s face as he turned and they shared a look that read We’re screwed. A second later their fears were confirmed as Doctor Ralph lifted Walter’s shirt and pulled the revolver out of his waistband.

            Doctor Ralph laughed and said, “Well done, Detective Spatchcock! I must say I am impressed. This is an excellent idea, but I’m afraid that I was expecting it.” Doctor Ralph held the gun up and waved it around. “I assume this was so he could try to turn the tables on me later? Perhaps a ‘save yourself’ kind of thing once we were good and well away from here?”

            Mimi said, “Well, you can’t blame me for trying, can you?”

            “Shut up,” said Walter. “Don’t antagonize him!”

            “It’s quite all right, mister Elliot,” said Doctor Ralph. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to kill her anyway.”

            “What!?” shouted Walter, spinning around to face him, but Doctor Ralph was already leveling the revolver at Mimi and squeezing the trigger. Walter didn’t even have time to attempt anything so noble as to throw himself in front of the shot.

            The gun simply exploded in Doctor Ralph’s hand.

            The blast knocked him backwards against the table where his AR-7 was waiting and Walter was blown in the opposite direction. Mimi had ducked and covered to avoid any shrapnel, but when she looked up she saw Doctor Ralph fling a hand towards Jane, and something slip out of his fingers.

            Once again, the world went into slow motion.

            Walter was on his back on the floor and noticed several test tubes under the wheels of Jane’s chair, and each one was full of a metallic gray substance.

            Doctor Ralph’s motion caught Walter’s eye, and he watched him pull another test tube from his pocket, also full of that metallic gray…stuff…and hurl it towards Jane.

Jane began to scream “Stop!” at Mimi.

            Mimi launched herself towards Jane to intercept whatever it was that was airborne.

             Walter wrenched himself upright and slapped the tube in the air, knocking it towards the back of the room.

            Doctor Ralph had a gun in each hand and started running for the door.

            The test tube hit the ground and exploded, blasting Doctor Ralph out of the lab and into the hallway, and knocking Walter into Mimi and Jane.

            As Walter and Mimi tumbled over Jane’s chair, the tubes underneath her burst.

            And as Walter, Mimi, and Jane were buried under the rubble of the county morgue, Doctor Ralph’s lab coat caught fire and he was showered in shattered glass as he flew through the double doors at the entrance to the morgue, landing in the grass between the sidewalk and street.

           

            Adam had gotten out of Mimi’s car because he was starting to melt the seat underneath him, and to have a smoke. He had locked himself out of his own car so many times that he didn’t dare leave them in the ignition as Mimi had, so he pocketed them as he got out. When the morgue exploded he saw a doctor fly through the front doors and land in the grass between the sidewalk and street, and he ran over to help him.

            “Hey!” he said, shaking the man, whose lab coat was smoldering. “Are you okay?”

            Doctor Ralph rolled over in the grass and Adam saw the two guns before he recognized his face. “Holy fuck, why do you have gu—”

            Doctor Ralph’s eyes snapped open and he jammed the shotgun under Adam’s chin. “Who are you?” he hissed.

            “I’m…” Adam started to say, but the look of mania on Doctor Ralph’s face froze him in place.

            “Car?” asked Doctor Ralph. Adam’s eyes went to Mimi’s car for just a second, but Doctor Ralph saw it and began to stand, using the barrel of the shotgun to lift Adam with him. When they were both standing he walked forward, pressing the shotgun into Adam’s chest and marching him along until he literally tripped over the hood of the car. Doctor Ralph opened the passenger door and waved Adam to the driver’s side where he climbed in. “Drive,” he said.

            “Where to?” asked Adam.

            Doctor Ralph named the fast food place.

            “What?” asked Adam. “You just got blown up and you wanna grab a burger?”

            Doctor Ralph pressed the barrel of the shotgun against Adam’s temple and said, “Just fucking drive.”

Super Meals: Part Forty-One

             Doctor Ralph waited.

             It was impossible for him to get bored, but he did occasionally get anxious, and he was starting to act like it now. He looked at his watch, again, and saw that there was still four minutes left before Mimi was considered late.

            For a moment, he imagined that she might not come at all.

            His mind spun, wondering what he would do next. After all, his entire plan hinged on Mimi bringing subject 189 to him in some way, shape, or form.

            But what if she didn’t?

            What if she were as cold as he was?

            What if she called the station and the rapid response team was surrounding the building right now?

            He strained his ears listening, but heard nothing at all.

            Because there was nothing to hear.

            He was smart, he knew, and he was certain that he was smarter than the mediocre police force in this worthless little town in the middle of nowhere. Anybody smart enough to even remotely rival Doctor Ralph would never stay in this town, he told himself, so surely the cops were nothing to concern himself with.

            He began to calm down again almost immediately when he realized that, yes, he was truly the smartest person for at least fifty miles in any direction from where he currently sat, and he reviewed all of the plans he had made in his head.

            There were two minutes left to wait.

            “Well, it was nice knowing you,” said Walter.

            “Shut up,” said Mimi.

            “You really think this is going to work?”

            “How are you feeling?”

            “Like I’m gonna get fucking shot or something walking in there like this.”

            “Then I’d say it’s going to work fine.”

            “I love how the plan calls for me to get shot…”

            “Well when you figure out how to give me the unbreakable skin, we’ll swap roles, okay?”

            “Hey, you could have ordered your own burger while we were at the restaurant.”

            “That’s not the point! He’s got Jane in there!”

            “So you said!”

            “You can’t just let my…I mean the medical examiner die!”

            “But what if I die?”

            “Quit being such a baby, you’re not going to die.”

            The two were walking, slowly, towards the front door of the county morgue. Walter was in front, Mimi behind, using him as a human shield. His hands were in front of himself, palms out, fingers spread, just as Mimi had instructed him so as to not look like a threat.

            Mimi had a gun in her right hand and was keeping it low to try and hide it behind Walter. Her left hand was on his shoulder, guiding him.

            She had taken her backup piece and tucked it into Walter’s waistband at the small of his back.

            “You know,” said Walter, “I’d feel a lot better if I were able to actually hold and use the gun.”

            “Are you kidding me? Technically I should even have it out of my holster.”

            “Then why did you shove it down the back of my pants?”

            “Because he’ll probably search me, not you.”

            Walter opened his mouth to respond, but couldn’t think of anything.

            They reached the front door of the morgue with one minute left.

            Half a block away, Adam waited in the car.

            He wasn’t happy about being left behind, and as his frustration and boredom grew, so did his body temperature.

            The upholstery beneath him started to smoke.

            It was time.

Super Meals: Part Forty

            Mimi immediately killed the siren and wrenched the wheel to the side, skidding the car to a stop at the curb. “Who is this and what do you want?” she asked.

            Before Doctor Ralph could respond, she hit the mute button with her thumb and pulled the phone away from her ear, saying, “Shut up and listen.” She then un-muted the phone and switched on the speaker.

            “—eed to speak with the gentleman you went to the park with this morning, and I’m afraid I have been unable to locate him. And who do you call when you need to find a missing person? The police, of course!”

            Walter shrank back into his seat, and Mimi said, “So you were gonna call me?”

            “Well,” said Doctor Ralph, “eventually, yes, actually. But I had some other business to attend to, first, and your district attorney has been most accommodating. It’s a shame that Doctor Jane here had to enter into the equation, but, so it goes.”

            “How do you expect me to find him?” asked Mimi.

            “Officer Spatchcock, I really hate the anti-police rhetoric that seems to prevalent in our society, and I choose to believe that most law-enforcement agents are both intelligent and resourceful. As a woman, you must be doubly so in order to rise through the ranks at all in such a small town. So I’ll leave you to your own devices on finding our mystery patient.”

            Adam and Walter shared a look, and Adam mouthed the word patient? Mimi looked between the two of them, but said into the phone, “I’m gonna need some time to dig him up. He could be at work, he could be at home—”

            “You have thirty minutes.”

            “Half an hour!?”

            “Yes, Officer Spatchcock. This town is painfully small, and you’re a cop. If you took the highway with your lights on and your foot to the floor, I imagine you could make it from one side of town to the other in less than three minutes, and this isn’t like in the movies where you get some ridiculously long amount of time to formulate a plot or assemble your forces. Thirty minutes, that’s all. In thirty one minutes, the good doctor and, most likely, the majority of this morgue, will be a smoking heap of rubble if you’re not here with the man. Can we assume you’re going to take me seriously?”

            “What do you mean?”

            Doctor Ralph sighed into the phone. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

            Mimi, genuinely confused, asked, “Say what?”

            “Oh, fine, if you want to drag it out.” Doctor Ralph cleared his throat. “If I see anybody other than you and our mutual friend, I will kill them, and Doctor Jane here. If I see any other cops in the area before you arrive, I will kill them, and Doctor Jane. If I think I hear anybody trying to sneak into the building, I will kill them, Doctor Jane, and simply blow up the building. Are you happy now?”

            Mimi said, “Yes, I understand now. I will see you in less than thirty minutes.”

            Before she hung up, Doctor Ralph said, “When you come in, I want both you and he to announce yourselves. If I hear a third set of footsteps or any other voices…death, destruction, mayhem, etcetera, etcetera.”

            Doctor Ralph hung up before Mimi could.

            She looked at Walter in the back seat. He opened his mouth to speak, but there were no words. He was completely out of his depths.

            In the front seat, Adam lit a cigarette.

            With his finger.

            Mimi looked at him and said, “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

            “I’m having a smoke,” said Adam. “Relax, I’m rolling the window down,” he said, hitting the button on the door and watching the glass descend.

            “Dude, you can’t smoke in a cop car,” said Walter.

            “Bitch, I’m supposed to be dead, remember? What’s she gonna do, arrest me?”

            “Don’t be a dick. Toss it, will ya? Time’s wasting and we gotta think of something.”

            “Fine, be a pussy,” said Adam, flicking the cigarette at Walter and hitting him in the chest.

            “Mother fucker!” shouted Walter, reaching for the cigarette and burning his fingers as he picked it up and threw it out the window.

            “The fuck did you do that for?” shouted Mimi.

            “Fucker can’t feel pain, remember?” shouted Adam right back.

            “I felt that, asshole!” shouted Walter.

            “Then have another burger!” shouted Adam.

            Everybody stopped shouting.

            Mimi looked at Walter, who smiled.

            Mimi said, “You hungry?”

            Walter said, “I could go for a last meal.”

            Back at the morgue, Doctor Ralph hung up the phone and walked back to the laboratory. Inside, Jane was sitting in an old wooden office chair and holding perfectly still.

            The reason she was holding perfectly still was because she was about to explode.

            “I hope you’ll forgive my crude setup,” said Doctor Ralph. “But I don’t imagine you have much in the way of restraints here, do you?”

            Jane, remaining as still as possible, said, “No.”

            “I thought not,” said Doctor Ralph, striding across the room and picking up the shotgun from the table next to her. He racked the slide open and began to load it with shells from the box on the table. Jane kept her head locked in place, but her eyes were fixed on the shotgun.

            When it was fully loaded, Doctor Ralph set it aside and loaded the AR-7.

            “I do appreciate your patience, however. I promise, when the time comes, I will do everything I can to make sure you don’t suffer at all.”

            Jane dared to cock an eyebrow.

            “I’m sorry, but you must understand, I can’t let you live. But don’t worry, it won’t hurt at all, I’m certain.” He picked up the shotgun and, with a gun in each hand, turned away from her towards the workbench. As he moved, the barrels of both guns swung closer to her face, causing her to recoil, but only slightly. As she flinched, the chair moved ever so slightly, and the sound of crunching glass froze Jane in place.

            Doctor Ralph had wedged test-tube bombs into the swivel of the chair, and under the rocking mechanism. If Jane moved too far in any direction, at least one would burst, causing an explosion.

            To prevent her from moving further, he’d wedged bombs under the wheels of the chair.

            Her eyes scanned the room, trying to figure a way out of it, but unless she could figure out a way to fly or float straight upwards out of the chair, she was trapped.

            She hoped Mimi could help her.

            She hoped to even see Mimi again.

            Six blocks away, Mimi’s  car blazed into the parking lot of the fast food restaurant and screamed to a stop. She and Walter and Adam all jumped out and ran inside, where Mimi held her badge out in front of her and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the inconvenience, but this is a police emergency. Please remain calm and patient and we will be out of your way in no time.”

            The three of them pushed their way through the line of people at the register, ultimately shoving aside a middle-aged woman with a sweater tied around her shoulders who was hemming and hawing over which mocha-frappa-latte-chino to order. She threw a burning look at Walter and Adam and started to say, “What do you think you’re—” but Mimi cut her off, stepping between them with badge and gun in hand.

            “Did you have something you wish to say, ma’am?”

            The soccer mom huffed and turned her nose up as she spun around and stormed out of the restaurant. Mimi looked at the rest of the crowd gathered around them and said, “Again, I thank you all for your patience, this should only take a minute or two.”

            The woman behind the counter (aged forty-six, looked fifty-six, working for unpaid overtime, again) swallowed hard and said, “Y-y-yes?” She cleared her throat. “I mean, um, welcome to—”

            “Skip it,” said Mimi. “Just take the order.” She nodded at Walter.

            “O…okay,” she said. “What would you like, sir?”

            Walter leaned in, putting both hands on the counter and tilting his head until he was looking at her from the tops of his eyes. “Whaddaya got on the secret menu?”

            “S-secret menu?” said the woman behind the counter.

            Walter straightened up a little and said, “Yeah. The secret menu. You’ve got one, right?”

            “Dude, are you trying to be cool?” asked Adam.

            “What? No. I’m just trying to order,” said Walter.

            “You don’t have a secret menu?” asked Mimi.

            “Not at this store, ma’am,” said the woman behind the counter.

            “What do you mean you don’t have one at this store? You’re part of a chain!” said Walter.

            “Dumbass,” said Adam.

            “I’m afraid you’re going to have to order from the regular menu, sir,” said the woman behind the counter.

            “And hurry it up, would you?” asked Mimi. “We’re running out of time.”

            “But how am I supposed to know what to order?” asked Walter, panicking.

            “Do you want me to order for you?” asked Adam.

            “No!” shouted Walter.

            “Then hurry the fuck up, we gotta go.” Said Mimi.

            “Fine. Give me…”