Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Super Meals: Part Thirty Two


            “Wait, seriously?” asked Walter.
            “What?” asked Mimi, pulling into the fast food parking lot.
            “Please tell me you’re not seriously going to put me through this again.”
            “What do you mean?”
            “Look, I don’t like being a human guinea pig, all right?”
            Mimi ignored him and pulled into a parking space as he made weak sounds of annoyance. He tried to speak, but stopped, then gestured like he was going to make a point, but stopped again. He wasn’t even making words, just syllables.
            “Gi…” Sigh. “I me…buh…wha…” Sigh again.
            Mimi gave him a moment to get over it, then cut him off, saying “Well, I tell you what, then. How about I go inside and get some food, and you can decide whether you want to come in with me and order for yourself, or trust me to get you something that may or may not…I dunno, make you shit diamonds or something.”
            Walter thought for a moment, then said “That sounds quite painful, actually.”
            “That was the idea,” said Mimi.
            Walter sighed again and opened his mouth to speak, but Mimi cut across him, saying, “You know, you keep sighing like that and you’re going to start hyperventilating.”
            “I…But…No, wait, I mean…”
            Mimi just watched with half a smile on her face, then said, “Come on, use your words…”
            Walter threw his hands up and said, “Fine. Let’s go.”
           
            “I’ll need a mass spectrometer, and, if you’ve got one, a gas chromatograph.”
            Doctor Ralph was on the phone with Tiffany, the District Attorney. He was frustrated at his lack of results from testing Walter’s bodily fluids and decided he would need proper lab equipment to find out more. The hospital would have too many people and security cameras, and besides that, he didn’t have an in with any of the local hospitals.
            He had received a call, however, while he was destroying his room in a fit of rage, and when he listened to the voicemail he calmed down considerably. It was from the county clerk he had bullied the previous day, letting him know that there was a copy of the coroner’s report waiting for him to pick up at his convenience at the District Attorney’s office, and if he needed any further assistance with anything at all while he was in town, he should not hesitate to ask.
            So he called the District Attorney’s office and asked.
            “Of course, Doctor Quinlan,” said the DA. “You’ll find that our coroner’s lab is well equipped with all of the latest…equipment…” She trailed off for a moment, but rallied quickly, saying, “Which we are happy to place at your disposal. I received word from Judge Barnes personally that we were to extend you every courtesy, within the confines of the law, of course, and I would be happy to accompany you—”
            “No, no,” he said. “That won’t be necessary. If you could just let me in, though, and maybe show me to the lab itself, that would be plenty. I don’t wish to take advantage of your hospitality.”
            It was an empty statement – Doctor Ralph knew that with a phone call he could make all of their lives hell, but he was feeling quite positive about his chances of discovering what made Walter so special, so he extended some magnanimity to these small-town yokels.
            “Of course, doctor,” said the DA. “Shall we say 20 minutes?”
            Doctor Ralph looked around his trashed room and thought he should at least try to straighten up a bit so the maids wouldn’t raise too much of a fuss. “Let’s say 30 minutes, if you don’t mind.”
           
            “The fuck?”
            The garbage man was climbing down from the cab of his truck, which he’d stopped, halfway down the alley.
            There was a pile of garbage – half-garbage and half-ashes, actually – on the side of the alley that was still smoldering. It looked like someone had started a dumpster fire before tipping it over, and now the contents were strewn everywhere.
            And something was moving.
            The garbage man jumped back from the pile as the something lurched within it and groaned. He squealed, covered his mouth with his hands, then looked around to see if anybody else was there to hear him. Aside from whatever, or whoever, was in the burning pile, he was alone.
            “Hey – you okay?” he called out.
            The pile shifted and groaned again, and as some of the dirt, ash, and garbage fell aside, the garbage man saw a hand reach out, then fall to the ground.
            He followed the line of it down the wrist and to the arm, then to the shoulder and head, which was coated in thick, greasy black hair. He reached down, saying, “Here, let’s get you out of there, eh?”
            When he touched the stranger’s hand, though, he recoiled in pain.
            “Goddamn, man, you’re burning up! You sick or somethin’?”
            The garbage man wiped his hand on the chest of his sweaty coverall and moved back to the cab of his truck, where he grabbed a bottle of hand sanitizer and pumped a couple of squirts into his hands. “Hey man,” he continued, “Lemme call you an ambulance or somethin’, okay? I gotta… I mean, I’m gonna…gotta go.”
            Adam rolled over in the garbage and pulled a bag of trash over his face, shielding it from the sun as the garbage truck pulled out down the alley.
            By the time it turned the corner out of the alley, the bag was already melting and the trash inside was blackening from the heat.

            When Doctor Ralph arrived at the morgue, the DA was standing outside waiting for him. She extended a hand as he approached and he shook it once. “Doctor Quinlan,” she said. “I thank you for your patience with our office as we work to accommodate you. I certainly hope there will be no need for you to contact your…” she paused, just for a second, then finished with “…associates.”
            I threaten to sue your city into the ground and you thank me for it, thought Doctor Ralph. I love these shitty, small towns.
            “Of course,” he said. “I hope there won’t be any further delays or cause for unpleasantness.”
            The DA almost tripped over herself as she went for the door and opened it for him. “Not at all!” she said. “You will have full use of the facilities, and I’ve sent our coroner home for the afternoon.”
            “Oh, I don’t know if there was any call for that. I don’t want to be any trouble,” said Doctor Ralph.
            “Not at all,” said the DA. “She’s had a rather emotional couple of days, recently, so it was really for the best to give her some personal time off.”
            They went downstairs and instead of entering the morgue itself, the DA held her ID badge up to a panel on the wall. A moment later, the doors clicked, echoing in the hallway as they unlocked, and she ushered him through.
            The room beyond was, indeed, quite well equipped. Not like his lab, of course, but, he had to admit, it was quite a step up from what he was expecting. He instantly spotted the analytical machines he was looking for on the far wall and took a step towards them, but caught himself and stopped.
            “Was there anything else you needed?” he asked the DA.
            She jerked, then said, “What? Oh! No, no – I’m sorry, I’m quite all right, thank you.”
            “Then I’ll thank you for some privacy, please. As we agreed,” he said.
            She hurried away, and when he was certain she was all the way out of the building he took a vial out of his briefcase. The liquid inside was thick and yellow – the last of Walter’s vomit – and he grinned at it as he switched on the machines.

            “So what are we eating?” asked Walter.
            “Well I’m getting a double-bacon burger meal,” said Mimi.
            “And…?”
            “And what?”
            “And what do you want me to get?”
            “I don’t care what you get,” she said. They were standing in line, approaching the counter a single step at a time as the streaky teenager behind the counter punched in order after order for the people ahead of them.
            “What, seriously?” asked Walter. “You don’t want me to get a…test meal?”
            “Do you want a test meal?”
            “Well…” He had to think about it, which surprised him.  Part of him hated the uncertainty, but part of him still wanted answers. A third part of him, the one that he didn’t like admitting was louder and stronger than the other two, really wanted to see what else he could do, and what other super powers were available to him.
            “So what do you want?” asked Mimi.
            “Huh?”
            “What do you want?”
            “I don’t know what I want, okay!?” His voice was raised in exasperation. “I mean, yeah, part of me really wants to see what will happen, but it’s kinda terrifying, y’know? So how about you gimme a fucking second to think about it?”
            The whole restaurant had gone quiet at his outburst, and he dropped his head. “We’re at the front of the line, aren’t we?”
            Mimi nodded.
            “And you were just asking me that because I need to order, weren’t you?”
            She nodded again.
            “I’m a giant asshole, aren’t I?”
            “Nah, man, it’s cool,” said the teen behind the register. “One time some tweaker came in all fucked up on salts or something? And knocked over the whole salad case, then jizzed on the soda machine.”
            Walter deflated and turned around. “That sounds…interesting,” he said.
            “Oh yeah, man. We get all kinds of crazy people in here.” He smiled and brushed some hair out of his eyes. “So what’cha want?”
            Walter looked at Mimi, who shrugged. “Did you order already?” he asked her.
            She nodded again.
            He looked up at the menu, at the same twenty items that have been on the marquee for decades and the ten rotating meal options that were the latest trend or seasonal specialty. Nothing looked good, and Walter lacked the imagination to try and put together something on his own, so he leaned in, over the register, and lowered his voice.
            “You guys got a secret menu?”
            The teen smiled – he felt like the bouncer of a secret club who had just been given the password.
            “Fuck yeah, dude. Check it out…”

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